I don't need your pity, Stephen Fry

Apparently national icon and jovial cuddly polymath Stephen Fry feels sorry for me. Apparently, if straight women were as mad up fer it as gay men were, I could go cruising. That way, I could have a lot more sex, because as a man, I want lots of sex. Gay men don't have this problem because when two gay men have sex, they're both men, and they both want sex, so they both have sex. But when a straight man wants to have sex with a straight woman, the straight woman doesn't want to have sex, so the man has to buy chocolates and flowers and shit and it's just not fair.

Do you hear that, straight women? The smartest man in Britain says that you're letting the side down. You're oppressing me with your persistent failure to organize dedicated areas of parkland where I can go to anonymously stick my wanger into you whenever I feel like it. For shame, straight women. Men want sex and you're not providing it. There must be something wrong with you.

Oh dear.

As a straight man, I'll be the first to admit that I've not had nearly as much sex as I'd like to have had. And I'm in a committed relationship now, so I'm unlikely to get much more of it. All I have left is my memories, and they're no good—most of the women who feature in them were from Hull. I understand that my oat-sowing days are long in the past and that, even when they were going on, they weren't all that much cop. I hardly think that this is a reason to feel sorry for me. I feel that, as a straight man, I've received a number of other benefits that more than make up for the lack of sordid secret handjobs on tap.

Besides, there are straight cruising areas. They're the bars on the main street of every town on a Saturday night. And the surrounding areas. And anywhere within shouting distance of any sufficiently drunken straight man. These areas are designated as cruising areas by straight men and straight women don't get a lot of say in the matter.

Basically, all this shows is that sex is probably a little bit more complicated than one might think, even if one is a popular, reasonably intelligent, celebrity media figure.

(PS. All that stuff he knows about when he's presenting QI? I don't think he actually knows all of it. I think he reads a lot of it off an autocue. Industry secret.)

I shall leave it to those better qualified than I to make less facetious commentary: go ye and read.

(h/t highlyeccentric.)