I don't get it. The Queen is Defender of the Protestant Faith, right? So the Pope comes to town tomorrow, and she's making him tea. She's still excommunicated as far as I know. Shouldn't they fight?
I'd pay twenty quid to see that—much better than some boring Mass any day. We can give the Queen a handbag with a brick in it and Ratzinger has those Gucci shoes with the wicked heel on them. Old person fight! Roll up, roll up! Centuries of doctrinal conflict settled at last in one glorious battle to the death! Official programmes £15. Bring your own popcorn. Soundtrack provided by Battle without Honor or Humanity, natch.
Personally, I think the Queen could take him. Ratzo is a couple of years younger, but she's the bloody Queen, mate.
Okay, it's a state visit, I can grasp that. We get those sometimes and it's very nice for the economy. But the state of which Popeface is head (can't read my, can't read my, no you can't read my Poper face) is, let's face it, a bizarre theocratic dictatorship responsible for millions of deaths and the systematic coverup of organized child rape, not to mention the Crusades, some degree of complicity in the Holocaust, and a great deal of arrogant swanning about the planet like they own the place. If Robert Mugabe came to town, I'd expect a little outcry. The amount of opposition to this has consisted of a single letter to the Guardian. And no one has even begun to talk about my personal inconvenience.
There are nineteen pages of traffic restrictions for the Papal visit tomorrow. Basically, His Holiness pootles into town in his little glass-enclosed mobility chair, and as a result no one is allowed to drive or park anywhere in the Capital. You can do whatever steps you want if \ You have cleared them with the City of Edinburgh Council, which naturally means that nobody will be doing any stepping of any kind.
The Pontiff's route neatly bisects a line between my flat and my work: I have advised my bosses that, if I'm not in on time tomorrow, it's either because traffic is terrible (which it will be) or because I've been arrested.
This year alone I've killed two million fewer Africans than that bloke has. I'm just an honest citizen trying to get to work. Where's my fuckin' motorcade, Officer?
Trying to work out the best way to fit
SECULAR HUMANISM ROCKS YOUR SOCKS RIGHT OFF onto a banner.
Yeah. Tomorrow's going to be fun.