#67: Lunge wildly at the Pope

[gominokouhai]

I don't get it. The Queen is Defender of the Protestant Faith, right? So the Pope comes to town tomorrow, and she's making him tea. She's still excommunicated as far as I know. Shouldn't they fight?

I'd pay twenty quid to see that—much better than some boring Mass any day. We can give the Queen a handbag with a brick in it and Ratzinger has those Gucci shoes with the wicked heel on them. Old person fight! Roll up, roll up! Centuries of doctrinal conflict settled at last in one glorious battle to the death! Official programmes £15. Bring your own popcorn. Soundtrack provided by Battle without Honor or Humanity, natch.

Personally, I think the Queen could take him. Ratzo is a couple of years younger, but she's the bloody Queen, mate.

Okay, it's a state visit, I can grasp that. We get those sometimes and it's very nice for the economy. But the state of which Popeface is head (can't read my, can't read my, no you can't read my Poper face) is, let's face it, a bizarre theocratic dictatorship responsible for millions of deaths and the systematic coverup of organized child rape, not to mention the Crusades, some degree of complicity in the Holocaust, and a great deal of arrogant swanning about the planet like they own the place. If Robert Mugabe came to town, I'd expect a little outcry. The amount of opposition to this has consisted of a single letter to the Guardian. And no one has even begun to talk about my personal inconvenience.

There are nineteen pages of traffic restrictions for the Papal visit tomorrow. Basically, His Holiness pootles into town in his little glass-enclosed mobility chair, and as a result no one is allowed to drive or park anywhere in the Capital. You can do whatever steps you want if \ You have cleared them with the City of Edinburgh Council, which naturally means that nobody will be doing any stepping of any kind.

The Pontiff's route neatly bisects a line between my flat and my work: I have advised my bosses that, if I'm not in on time tomorrow, it's either because traffic is terrible (which it will be) or because I've been arrested.

This year alone I've killed two million fewer Africans than that bloke has. I'm just an honest citizen trying to get to work. Where's my fuckin' motorcade, Officer?

Trying to work out the best way to fit SECULAR HUMANISM ROCKS YOUR SOCKS RIGHT OFF onto a banner.

Yeah. Tomorrow's going to be fun.

Comments

[treesahquiche]

Secular humanism is great.

I wouldn't dislike the Pope so much and every fiber of my being wouldn't recoil in disgust at the Vatican and all it stands for so much if a) John Paul II were still alive and still the Pope and b) the Vatican fired their current PR people and hired some competent ones. Also if they stopped doing all those objectionable things that they do.

Do people in the UK actually feel any antipathy towards the Pope/the Vatican in modern times, now that all those bloody wars and persecuting Irish Roman Catholics is largely in the past decade at least? Because from my rather narrow American viewpoint, the Anglican church and Catholicism are very nearly the same thing. And seeing as how Anglicanism is hardly Protestantism at all, and how real Protestants were persecuted and expelled from the British Isles, arguing that that pastor in Florida who was gung-ho about burning Qur'ans is the real defender of the Protestant faith would probably be easier.

I may not know much about religion or appreciate it that much (except for having decided that being mean to other people over it makes you a douchecastle), but I do appreciate a good show, and I would also pay to see QEII vs. Pope.

[(Anonymous)]

Don't know about Proddies, but speaking as a secular (but , yay, alive!) Ashkenazi Jew he's still not exactly on my dinner party list. Hoping for the odd outbreak of eggs and tomatoes. I'm just deeply glad not to be in Pope Travel Chaos this Thurs as have escaped to er Lithania..:)

[spudtater]

Um. That's one way of looking at it. The other way would be to view the Puritans as disruptive, anti-Catholic troublemakers who were suppressed as a political necessity and reacted by buggering off to somewhere where they could be pains in the necks of a whole new group of people.

Remember that the king at the time was a Catholic and hence wouldn't have looked too happily on a group who were known for fomenting hatred of Catholics.

(Just trying to show both sides of the story. I, personally, couldn't give a toss either way.)

As for Anglicanism... the Church of England may have some organisational similarities with the Catholic Church, and share a love of silly-looking robes, but in terms of outlook they're very, very different. "Church of England" around here implies wooly, liberal and not particularly devout. It's probably the most progressive of the churches within the wider Anglican movement — to the point where the rest of them were threatening to chuck the CoE out! (Over women bishops, IIRC).

(Bonus question: if you define the key Protestant vs. Catholic difference as being humility, muted worship, and nobody claiming a "direct line to God", what does that say about modern American evangelical types?)

[gominokouhai]

> Do people in the UK actually feel any antipathy towards the Pope/the Vatican in modern times

Well, based on today, a hundred thousand people came out to wish him well, and when I walked past the protestor's enclosure there were about a dozen people there, with two signs between them. It was pathetic.

Depends who you talk to. My flist is full of outrage, but they're not exactly representative of the wider demographic. The Daily Mail (which is not remotely representative of any demographic wider than its own readership, who just wish that it was) think that the outrage is the quite polite letter that Mr Fry and friends wrote to the Grauniad.

As a general rule we don't really get worked up about religion (not for the last 300 years or so anyway, with Ireland and parts of Glasgow being the exceptions). The vast majority of the country are secular but they all put Church of England on the census form because they think they should. Most people today turned out to see an important man go past in a fancy car. The fact that he's a monster hasn't really occurred to them: it's only hippy guardianistas like me who think about stuff like that.

[nanila]

My money would be on the Queen as well. Mostly because I think she could slay other mortals with a glance, since she is probably bionic at this point and has Class IV lasers built into her eyes.

Or perhaps I've read too many comics.

[http://www.google.com/profiles/hurleydies]

Both of them are big fans of white. I suspect the reason they wont be fighting is that the both play for the same team, if you know what I mean. I mean chess.

[gominokouhai]

I've not seen the Queen wear white since 1953. But even if they're on the same side, she's got twice as many moves as a bishop.