On coffee

[gominokouhai]

Large mocha please, full fat milk, four sugars.

Every Saturday morning it's the same order, to the extent that I don't even have to make the order now, because the staff at the coffee stall know me. I just have to walk up to the counter and say, yes please.

I always remember yours, they tell me, because it's so unusual. What? It's a coffee. They have mocha there on the menu. They ask me how many sugars I want and I tell them. They ask me what kind of milk I want, and I tell them that, too. They ask me if I want sprinkles. I tell them nutmeg. How is this special? Specifically, how is this special to a girl (or a boy) who makes coffee all day?

There was a different girl on the stall today. Large mocha please, full fat milk, four sugars. I felt like pushing the boat out a bit today, and got amaretto syrup. She said: That's an epic coffee. Epic? Really?

(Sidenote: quotation from an unrelated message board in reference to Kamikaze Cookery—I'm gonna be Paul for Halloween. He's pretty epic. You're damn right I put that on my CV.)

Later on, after pig sammich, I felt like having another. A smaller one this time. Regular size, no syrup. I admire your fortitude, quoth Coffee Girl, so much caffeine this early. Really? Nobody else has ever had two coffees before two pm?

Or am I simply the only one who's ever ordered a coffee while wearing a big black cloak?

Comments

[brigid]

I saw this via latest things.

I used to work at a bakery that sold coffee and pastries to go. I loved regular customers like you and got a giddy thrill when people in cloaks would come in.

Your coffee choices sound like ones I would make, only possibly caramel instead of amaretto.

[gominokouhai]

Caramel is good too.

[digitalraven]

Really? Nobody else has ever had two coffees before two pm?

Admittedly, I get the coffee from the kitchen at work, but I get through three by half twelve. I thought this was normal.

Then again, I work in an office with STANDARD NERDS!

[gominokouhai]

I'm getting through a lot more now I have the coffee machine set up at Apocalypse Laboratories.

[spacelem]

I worked in coffee for a few years; it was actually fairly easy to remember what the regulars ordered, even if it was a medium americano, no milk or sugar (which is what Jules' has). Orders like yours would just stand out like a sore thumb. Having a second coffee by 2pm though would be pretty normal.

[gominokouhai]

Clarify, please. You mean it is an epic coffee?

[spacelem]

Well, not compared to the guy who came most afternoons and asked for an extra large latte with 4 shots in, and would hang around talking about Christianity at me for ages and getting top ups of extra espresso. But people don't often ask for mochas, especially not with added sugar, so in a way, I suppose you might call it epic.

[gominokouhai]

Thanks for the insight. I don't see that as epic, though. Mocha is there on the menu. Maybe all your customers are boring?

[leilamog]

I also worked in coffee and can confirm that a mocha with extra sugar is pretty unusual.

[anjylle]

Yeah, even though I'm at my parents' right now, I'm easily consuming the eqivalent of two mediums before lunchtime. I usually only get smaller coffees when I'm out because I know I'll be making more at home later!

Your and Jehane's cloaks make you both as instantly recognisable as having dreadlocks made me for a few years. Enjoy it :)

[gominokouhai]

It wasn't the dreads that made you look so striking. And I suspect that dreads don't have the same capacity for getting one harassed by the police. Maybe in London.

[spudtater]

To be fair, I don't know anybody else who has four sugars in a coffee. And with syrup too? I'd gag on anything that sweet.

The cloak probably does have a little to do with it, though.

[gominokouhai]

In which case, I'm right and everyone else is wrong. Caffeine merely accelerates metabolism; if you don't have something to metabolize as well, you'll make yourself ill.

I did scale it down to three sugars when I decided to have syrup, though. I'm not mad.

[spudtater]

> if you don't have something to metabolize as well, you'll make yourself ill.

That's why breakfast was invented.

[gominokouhai]

The coffee is breakfast.

[spudtater]

Is the nutmeg there for fibre?

[gominokouhai]

The nutmeg contains potassium benzoate is there to make it taste nice.

[spudtater]

That's bad good.

[coaldustcanary]

It's a 500 calorie drink, roughly, so it is kind of epic. And delicious.

[gominokouhai]

Finally, a reply with actual numbers.

What's the threshold for `epic' in terms of calorific value? What's the RDA?

Worth noting, perhaps, is that it's epic, and delicious, and breakfast, so it's probably allowed.

[coaldustcanary]

I don't think there's a hard and fast rule, but how can someone claim that a large, full-fat coffee-chocolate-amaretto-sugar mug of fuel isn't epic?

And I'm not criticizing. I think I'm going to get one tomorrow morning, albeit with 2% milk, probably.

[gominokouhai]

> how can someone claim that a large, full-fat coffee-chocolate-amaretto-sugar mug of fuel isn't epic?

It's on the menu! They offer all the bits, and then act surprised when someone says yes!

[leilamog]

RDA for calories is in the region of 2000, I think. So that's pretty epic.

I'm cheap, so my breakfast coffee is instant with 3-4 sugars and lots of full fat milk.

[spudtater]

That's for an average woman. Men should have ~2500.

http://www.healthydoesit.co.uk/recommended_daily_allowances.htm