On tough rooms

[gominokouhai]

One of my colleagues, previously referenced in these annals as $MINION, will shortly be squeezing an entire person out of her body. Tough job. I couldn't do it. So naturally, conversation at work over the last few weeks has tended to revolve around notions of expectancy and parturience. Apparently, so $HOUSEKEEPING_SUPERVISOR claims, the more younglings you produce, the easier it becomes to pop 'em out.

Specific examples were provided. (I've learned that, once you get a mother talking about the human gestation period, it's difficult to get her to stop.) In particular, $HOUSEKEEPING_SUPERVISOR's fourth progeny, a (now) young lady by the name of Ella, was so eager to emerge into this world that she hurtled forth in the lift on the way up to the maternity ward.

Brief as the lightning in the collied night, I was. (As the bishop said to the actress.) Ere a man hath power to say behold!, I said: Is that why she's called Ella?... middle name Vator?

Tumbleweeds rolled through the scene. (That's okay, I have staff to clean the dining room these days.) Somewhere, a lone carrion bird cried out. Not even a titter ensued. I need better staff.

To be fair, $CHEF sniggered, but only after I'd said oh come on, that was funny. He's allowed to take an extra couple of seconds. He doesn't speak English.

In other news, I appear to be a manager now. People laugh at my jokes when they feel they have to. Not everyone, but it's still better than previously.

Comments

[miss_s_b]

I got told that the more you have the quicker they come out; Shrubby was only 40 minutes. I got too scared to have another one.

[gominokouhai]

Yeah, you hear stories about these gruelling 36-hour labours and, compared to that, 40 minutes seems like a breeze. No doubt 36 hours are horrifying in their own way, but there has to be a point during all that time, just once and maybe only for a couple of seconds, that you almost get used to it and you think you know, I could really go for a martini right about now. On the other hand, 40 minutes is an awfully long time to be squeezing another person out of yourself. My hat is off to you, madam.

> I got too scared to have another one

I have decided that, if $HOUSEKEEPING_SUPERVISOR ever has a fifth one, I'm going to get her reading Rosemary Sutcliff in the hope that the one after Ella will be called Esca. From the tone of the conversation this morning, though, I gather that's not very bloody likely.

[miss_s_b]

40 minutes was about 39 minutes and 45 seconds too long.

[gominokouhai]

That is certainly the impression I got from the conversation this morning. Hat. Off.

But consider the results!

[purplecat]

I've a friend who used to work as an ambulance dispatcher and she said it's always the second births that need the ambulance. People phone up having had a long labour for the first baby and say "the contractions started so I thought I'd make a cup of tea before heading for the hospital and now I the top of the head is showing!!!"

Which would seem to confirm the subsequent births are quicker theory.

[gominokouhai]

Heh. I can imagine that will be of great comfort to $MINION when it comes to be time for number 2.