On joining the upper-middle-class (part 3 of an occasional series)

[gominokouhai]

On the train today there was a screwup with my seat reservations. The ticket guy told me to go and fetch my travel partner^[0] and we'd be allowed to sit in First Class. Partner thus fetched, stormsearch remained resolutely immobile. The camera case has slipped round, she opined, indicating one of the multifarious impedimenta that adorned her person, so I can't move without hitting people.

It took all my strength not to declaim That's okay dear, they're only the peons in Standard.

That took all of thirty seconds, then, to turn into a dick.^[1]

As far as I can tell, these then are the benefits of Scotrail First Class service:

• The seat is about four inches wider.
  • However, given that my general travel gear includes:
    • mobile smartphone
    • compact camera
    • high-definition fondleslab personal multimedia player
    • half-litre water bottle
    • big bag o' drugs
    all attached to my belt^[2], it's not a great deal of help.
• The seat will recline, should you so will it, by about six inches.
  • This is awesome. I spent the first half hour of the journey just doing this.
• Antimacassar!
• The table is slightly wider. It's also more rounded.
  • We worked out that, at a four-person table, all four people could theoretically have a laptop out and be doing work on it without all having to murder each other before they got to Inverkeithing. I can see how this might have practical applications.
• Sixty-watt table lamp, for no real good reason.
• Curtain.
• Complimentary newspaper, although it is the Edinburgh Evening News.
• Blessed peace and quiet.
• Immediate smug sense of superiority over the peons in Standard.

For these privileges aforelisted I would have paid £38.90, rather than the comparatively pauperish £20.60 for a seat amongst the plebs. So, I'd be giving up the value of a fillet steak dinner for relative quiet and somewhere to place a laptop that I don't own. I'll stick with Standard and my sound-isolating earphones, thanks. And I'll take that steak a touch on the rare side of medium-rare.

--

[0] He actually used the phrase travel partner as if that was a thing that people actually say.

[1] Yes yes I know. "What do you mean, turn into, pajh? you're all saying. Shut up.

[2] Other necessities are carried in the camera case and the daysack. That's just the list of things I need as frequently as I need my trousers. I love the great outdoors, but dammit I will have 12.1 megapixel recording capacity and Florence + The Machine on lossless audio while I enjoy being there.

Comments

[spiralsheep]

Hee! I'm now envisioning you and your travel attire as Captain America.

♥ Antimacassars ♥ are, of course, the best thing about first class.

[gominokouhai]

Liefeld was wrong about many things (not least his plan to become a comic book artist without actually being able to draw), but he was right about pouches.

[andrewducker]

When I flew to India I was lucky enough to travel business class. It was the best thing ever. Having a seat that actually turned into a bed, and as much alcohol as I wanted, made the experience a joy.

[brucec]

half-litre water bottle

Not trying to stay ahead of your thirst are you?

[gominokouhai]

It's just water. Not vodka at all.

The other two half-litre water bottles are kept in the daysack. If the walk is likely to involve particular exertion then I also carry a Camelbak(R). They're usually sports bottles from isotonic drinks, but only because the caps are nicer. They get filled with water, which I drink when I am thirsty.

Anecdotal evidence would suggest that fruit drinks (with sugar) get absorbed better than plain water, but I'm no scientist.