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Posted by Jacqueline Vanderpuye

“The ego is the false self-born out of fear and defensiveness.” ~John O’Donohue

I started a new relationship in December 2015, then moved countries to be with my Swedish partner in August, 2016.

The last year has been life changing in the best possible ways. I’ve learned so much about myself, things I didn’t have the courage to acknowledge before.

But it hasn’t all been a bed of roses—some of the insights I’ve gleaned haven’t been that comfortable to see.

We met on an intensive spiritual retreat in India. We’ve both spent many years working on ourselves and our issues, so it’s fair to say we’re both awake and aware. But this has not guaranteed an easy ride or a challenge-free relationship.

We both still have to work hard on the problems that come up, affecting us both individually and as a couple.

When our disagreements or arguments erupt, it is often over the smallest things, which seem so important at the time. A prime example is when my partner asks me to do something without saying “please” (something that’s common in Sweden.)

Such a minor failing has the power to seriously irritate me, causing our argument to blow up out of all proportion—sending one or either of us into fits of temper tantrums that can end with one or both of us brooding and not speaking to the other.

Although we’re both aware how childishly we’re behaving and can see our over-reactions, we are nevertheless at a loss to stop or change this process. Why? Because of our egos!

For the first time in my life I am seeing, experiencing, and understanding the ego play that takes place in every conflict I have. These insights are allowing me to unravel the true nature of my ego and its workings.

If I were to describe my ego, I would compare it to an irritable, barely containable caged monster on the one hand and an irate, screaming five-year-old on the other. And just like a child that doesn’t get her own way, she’s constantly throwing tantrums.

These tantrums take the form of anger, hurt, fear, defensiveness, exaggeration, frustration, self-preservation, insecurity, self-pity, and tears—all mixed with large quantities of drama.

In the heat of an argument, my five-year-old ego is very quick to feel hurt, so she reacts by jumping, stamping her feet, cursing, and defending herself. Then, just as quickly, the caged monster surfaces, rearing up like an angry giant, sword and shield in hand, ready to inflict hurt in return.

I literally see my ego self rising up like a dark shadowy character, looming menacingly above my head.

Of course I know this ego play doesn’t solve anything—it only serves to trigger my partner’s own ego defense games. Suddenly we’re both wounded five-year-olds, shouting and throwing ugly insults back and forth at each other.

Then, invariably, we have to argue about who started it and which one of us is right.

As you can imagine, these ego battles take up a lot of energy and are very stressful, not to mention emotionally draining.

I notice that when I’m in this heightened state of drama, my ability for logical thinking goes out of the window. I lose all connection to my grown-up self and I feel the adult receding, regressing me back to an insecure child.

I see myself adopting the same body language and survival strategies I used when I got into disputes with my mother during childhood.

Looking back, it’s obvious to me that my current over-reactions have a lot to do with how I was brought up. My mother was a strict matriarch with black and white views—grey areas didn’t exist in her world. She was always right and everyone else wrong, and there was no room for argument.

If I ever dared to argue, I would be quickly silenced with a barrage of cutting words or physical blows that would leave me hurt, feeling powerless and seething for hours. My voice was quashed, my will controlled, and I felt small and stifled.

As a child, I didn’t have the awareness to recognize the surge of my ego during these altercations with my mother, when my very existence felt under threat. But of course, every part of me screamed silently in protest, including my ego.

Now, as a so-called mature fifty-year-old adult, it’s quite disconcerting to visibly witness my conditioned responses popping to the surface during heated conflicts, especially when some part of me feels threatened.

These responses haven’t altered or evolved at all since my childhood. Sometimes it feels like I’ve never really grown up.

I still discover myself seething in the same helpless way to emotional triggers and feeling the same powerlessness when my will is challenged or when I feel controlled, as I often do during conflicts with my partner.

My ego rears up in anger and defense in exactly the way it did when I was a child.

And yet, even in the most extreme spells of ego drama, I’m sometimes able to take a step back from my hurt, stealing a momentary pause from the heat of my frustration.

These short breaks allow my anger to calm, giving space for my ego to stand down. Then I’m able to recognize the reasons for my exaggerated reactions, understanding that a part of me was feeling threatened.

I’ve observed that my biggest over-reactions occur when my partner threatens what I deem important; for example, the time and money I spend on my spiritual activities.

In these brief moments of lucidity, the ego is fully exposed with technicolor clarity. In this instant, the cause of our argument, which seemed so important just a few minutes before, completely loses its power and dissolves, rendering the whole situation funny and somewhat ridiculous.

My ego’s true nature is laid bare during these points of pure seeing.

It’s utterly clear to me that my ego simply functions to protect the parts of myself I feel I must defend, secure, or guard, like my will, my way of expression, my beliefs and moral values.

My ego jumps up in defense of these values because of the importance I’ve given them, effectively giving my ego permission to react whenever these values feel challenged.

Amazingly, the truth is, these morals can only exert power over me if I allow them to. I can equally decide not to give them any power at all, which should gradually stop my ego’s need to defend them.

I know it will take time to break this pattern of over-reactions to emotional triggers, since my conditioned responses are almost automatic now. However, in conflict situations, if in one time out of ten I don’t react, it will certainly make a difference to my life and relationships, won’t it?

What a liberation that will be!

For years I’ve unknowingly been trapped in the same ego cycle of trigger/reaction, trigger/reaction that developed when I was a child.

Now, with the benefit of being able to witness my ego play in action, I no longer feel a prisoner of its games. For the first time in life, I am learning to choose whether or not to react.

These other insights around my ego are helping to improve my partner relationship, as well as the relationships with family and friends.

The ego wants to blame others.

We have all become so accustomed to blaming other people and circumstances that we are often not even conscious that we’re doing it.

On the surface, it’s much easier to blame others, because it removes the burden of accountability from us and places it firmly at the feet of the other. However, although blaming others appears to be a quick-fix solution, in all honesty, it isn’t.

Believe it or not, blaming others takes away our control of the situation and passes it onto the other. It prevents us from seeing the whole truth of the issue and blocks us from fully understanding ourselves, which can keep us stuck in the same obstructive patterns of behavior.

For years I blamed my mother for everything that was wrong in my life. I blamed her for not being there for me, for not supporting my dreams, and for not being the parent I expected her to be. Spending so much time and energy blaming her, I wasn’t able to see my own part in the situation.

When I finally had the courage to stop blaming my mother, it came as quite a shock to me to realize that I was equally responsible for the things I was unhappy with.

It’s clear to me that my ego’s fear of admitting culpability kept me in blame mode.

I naturally progressed onto blaming my partner, because my ego makes it difficult for me to accept my part in a conflict that I am at least partly responsible for. So it’s no surprise our arguments escalate as they do.

Ultimately, we must all strive to accept responsibility for every action we take, even the ones we’re ashamed of. The more we’re able to do this, the stronger we become and the weaker our egos will be, gradually loosening the grip they have on us.

The ego covers up.

Another thing I can say about the ego is that it will do anything to cover up its mistakes, especially when it sees it’s wrong. Its attempts to cover up increase when caught red-handed, behaving just like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

I remember when I was a child, even when I was caught in the act, I would do everything I could to cover up my mistake, trying my best to deny the blatant truth.

Maybe my actions as a child could be excused, but sadly, my behavior as an adult hasn’t improved—I still find myself fighting to deny the truth when I’m unexpectedly caught off guard. Like when my partner surprises me, by correctly guessing the trivial cause of my upset.

My ego hates being so easily called out, so it must cover up and defend.

One of the hardest things for any of us to do is to admit we are wrong, because when we own up to being wrong, it automatically makes the other right.

And being wrong is something our egos cannot bear. As a result, we find it difficult to say sorry or to ask forgiveness, which exacerbates our conflicts.

I’m also recognizing that our inability to admit our wrongdoing keeps us stuck in our defensive positions, which allows our egos to fool us into fighting, justifying, and defending every point of view—a complete drain of our energy.

I’ve noticed, however, that when I see the truth and can openly admit it to my partner, surprisingly, rather than separating us, the admission brings us closer together, healing some of the hurt we created during our conflict.

So admitting that we are wrong need not be a negative experience, but can instead empower us, lessening some of the control our egos have on us.

The ego wants to hurt back.

For me, one of the worst things in the world is the pain of feeling hurt, as I imagine is true for most of us.

Sometimes, the hurt we feel paralyzes us and we’re unable to fight back, but at other times, the only thing we can think of is how we can hurt the other person back.

Our egos trick us into believing that hurting the other will alleviate the pain we’re feeling.

I’ve realized that in all conflict situations, it is actually our egos that feel hurt. Again because some value or aspect of the image we have internally built up of ourselves is being challenged, threatened, or undermined in one way or another.

I’m ashamed to say that on many occasions, both in my childhood and adulthood, my ego has wanted nothing more than to inflict as much pain on others as possible, as a way of lessening some of the hurt it was feeling.

But retaliation is not the answer; it only adds more fuel to the fires of our egos.

Maybe I can be forgiven for saying that in my childhood, hurting others was an unconscious reaction to my own feelings of hurt. And in the recent past when I was still unawake, hurting someone who hurt me was my natural course of action. But now, with my increasing awareness, knowingly hurting another is not something I can condone.

In the heat of ego fights between me and my partner, when my ego rears up ready to defend itself, it’s hard, but I am becoming more and more able to check myself, before I go over the line with insults I know will cause my partner pain. Even when I feel he has crossed the line with me, I can still consciously stop myself from going too far.

I consider this a huge triumph over my ego, and something I’m proud of.

Every time I can stop myself from blindly over-reacting to a perceived threat to my values and can become an observer of my ego and its games, I know I’m taking a step in the right direction.

The more conscious we can all become of our ego play in action, the more freedom we will gain from our egos. Then, over time and with consistent effort, positive changes to our life journeys and relationships are inevitable.

Artwork by artbymanjiri, CC 2.0

About Jacqueline Vanderpuye

Jacqueline Vanderpuye is a medium, energy worker, avid meditator, and spiritual guide. She began her inner journey while living and working in Shanghai, exploring journaling and writing as a form of personal therapy.  Jacqueline enjoys writing about topics that affect her everyday. She now lives in Sweden. For personal readings and spiritual coaching, contact Jacqueline at vanderpuyejacqueline@gmail.com or visit calloftheinnervoice.com.

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The post How Our Egos Create Drama in Our Relationships (and How to Avoid It) appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

The Range in the Rain

Wed, Aug. 23rd, 2017 21:02
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Posted by EdinburghSketcher

This morning I had a delivery to make at Kinnaird Park so called in to The Range, a large home department store on the outskirts of Edinburgh. For those that don’t know I have a new illustrated book out in partnership with Mary’s Meanders. The book is made up of drawings of locations around central Scotland […]
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Posted by thebloggess

Y’all.  I was at the post office picking up my mail and the very young clerk helping me suddenly became transfixed and started moaning loudly while looking at my chest.  Like slack-jawed and audibly groaning loud enough that other people … Continue reading
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Posted by The Incredible Suit

Oh hi. So, I guess you're after a recommendation for what to see at the cinema this weekend? You probably fancy something that's, like, quite good but not too good? I mean, maybe you even want to do a double bill of films that don't really have a lot wrong with them but at the same time will only really stay with you for an hour or so at best? Well, I suppose you're in luck because this weekend

Introductions

Wed, Aug. 23rd, 2017 18:54
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Posted by Greg Ross

goings and cummings

A poem by Louis Phillips: “If the Modern Artist Ralph Goings Had Met the Poet E.E. Cummings”:

Goings?
Cummings?
Cummings,
Goings.
Goings,
Cummings.
Going,
Goings?
Yep.
Cummings,
Going?
Nope.

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Posted by Ask a Manager

A reader writes:

I have always been a quiet person, especially when I’m new in an environment and trying to learn about the culture before diving in headfirst. I know when I don’t know things and would much rather listen to those smarter than me and bury myself in my own work so I can learn as much as possible. When I know the culture/project really well, I have no problem contributing my own thoughts and ideas, and actually enjoy leading a team once I’m confident in my own knowledge of the project.

However, every single place I work I’ve had the same experience: I’ll be sitting in my private office/cubicle/etc., working at my desk on tasks that don’t require collaboration. Someone (who usually has worked with me for long enough to know me) will say something like, “You’re always so quiet! I never know you’re in here” or “Wow, why are you being so quiet??” It’s always said in a slightlyyyy degrading way and once in a while even followed up by “You should make more noise!”

This is SO weird and bothersome to me. It seems like the equivalent of saying “Wow, you’ve been working hard all morning and haven’t had time for small talk, what’s wrong with you?”

I have two questions: 1) Is this in some way making me a less valuable employee? Should I be trying to make more small talk with my coworkers, or making phone calls, or otherwise making noise so that people think I’m normal? and 2) How can I respond to this question? Beside the fact that it really grinds my gears, I never know what to say — “Well, I was working hard” seems like a dig back at them for NOT working hard, but I’m not sure how to let them know I’m a normal employee just like anyone else.

Some people do this in the same way they feel compelled to say “Wow, you’re so tall” to tall people.

It’s not so much a judgment as it is a … totally unnecessary observation that nevertheless comes out of their mouths.

Sometimes it’s just an attempt to connect. Someone who wants to express friendliness toward you might comment on your shoes, or mention the weather, or seize upon any other easily noticeable thing to make small talk. In your case, that happens to be that you tend to be really quiet.

And “You’re so quiet!” tends to be more socially acceptable to say than “You’re so loud!”

I think you’re probably reading more into it than is really there. In most cases, it probably doesn’t mean “what’s wrong with you?” It’s also probably not a prompt to explain why you’re so quiet (i.e., that you’ve been working hard). It’s just … almost meaningless small talk. You could reply with “how’s your day going?” and it wouldn’t seem out of place.

You could also just say,”Yeah, I get pretty absorbed in stuff and then I realize I haven’t said anything for half the day! How’s your day going?”

All that said, there are a small number of people who may have an issue with you being so quiet — like bosses who believe that everyone socializing is somehow essential to work getting done, or that you’re not a team player if you’re not a bigger part of the office’s social fabric. But you probably know if you have one of those bosses.

Beyond that, there is some value to connecting with your coworkers on a personal level. It can make people more willing to help you out when you need it, or respond to your requests more quickly, or share information that can help you do your job better. It can lead to the kind of relationships that people are talking about when they talk about professional networks — people who will refer you to jobs and vouch for you professionally and so forth. For many people (although not all), it can also make work more satisfying.

But you can form those sorts of relationships and still be a generally quiet person; one doesn’t preclude the other. So I’d look less at your noise level and more at how well you think you connect with the people you work with. If you don’t feel like you have those connections, then yeah, some small talk is a good place to starts. (Suggestions on that here.)

coworkers keep commenting on how quiet I am was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

Reading, Listening, Watching

Wed, Aug. 23rd, 2017 18:22
purplecat: (General:Books)
[personal profile] purplecat
Reading: I finally finished Crime and Punishement which was interesting but very monologuey. I've moved on to Unshapely Things by Marc del Franco, which seems quite good but I have a feeling I've exhausted my patience for wizards in garrets brooding about their tragic pasts.

Listening: I just listened to the first of the David Tennant and Catherine Tate Big Finish audios which I enjoyed more than I expected to - although they paired Donna up with another London temp and I actually, on audio, found them quite hard to tell apart.

Watching: A mixture of Wallander, Killjoys, Yuri on Ice and classic Doctor Who. We're doing quite well for choice of viewing options at the moment.
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Posted by Ask a Manager

A reader writes:

I’m a supervisor with not much experience and still learning. I do make mistakes, but I’m pretty good at taking responsibility and rectifying my mistakes.

There is a customer service supervisor who constantly cc’s my department director if she disagrees with the answers I give to the customer service reps. Instead of calling me or emailing me to figure out things, she does not give me the oportunity to review and rectify something if I’m wrong. She emails me and cc’s my boss, her manager, and even customer service reps This supervisor thinks it is better to cc upper management instead of communicating directly with me, which makes me feel that I’m not capable of handling the situation.

I would really like for this to stop and have her communicate better with me since we are both supervisors, but I’m not sure how to do it.

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

my coworker keeps cc’ing our manager when she emails me was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

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Click here to go see the bonus panel!

Hovertext:
I feel it incumbent upon myself to let you know that I will, with all expediency, be putting up a No Girls Allowed placard.

New comic!
Today's News:

Thanks again, geeks! If you haven't got your copy yet, Soonish is just 18 bucks at Amazon right now!

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Click here to go see the bonus panel!

Hovertext:
Screw it. I'm just gonna be immortal.

New comic!
Today's News:

Hey geeks of Seattle! Just one week left to get in your submission. We still need some more to make the show happen, so please poke your funny nerdy friends!

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Posted by Ask a Manager

A reader writes:

I’m a new executive director. My assistant has been the executive assistant to my four predecessors and has been in the job for 15 years. She is young, in her 30’s but started in college, working part time with the first executive director’s permission and just stayed after the graduated because she said she loved the job. This is the first and only job she has ever had. She is amazing and I couldn’t ask for a better assistant. She anticipates my expectations and because she has been with the company and in that position so long that she needs very little direction.Being newer to the company and never having been an executive director before, I’ve often leaned on her for help.

My only complaint is that she apologizes when things aren’t her fault at all. She immediately follows up with a way she thinks the situation can be remedied which is great, but she doesn’t need to apologize when it isn’t her fault. I’d love for her to continue to have amazing problem-solving ideas, but she doesn’t have to take the blame to do that.

She often apologizes for things that are often out of her control. A major part of our jobs is dealing with a board of directors, and anytime they make a mistake or are late to a meeting, she apologizes for them. It seems as though certain members of the board also expect her to take blame for their mistakes such as them forgetting paperwork they were required to bring, not showing up on time, or getting the call-in information wrong. One time a board member who told us he wouldn’t be able to make the meeting tried to call her at the last minute saying he would be able to attend but needed the call-in information. She was setting up the lunch in the board room and away from her desk because the meeting was just two minutes away. I needed her help setting up some presentation material so she didn’t return to her desk until hours later where she was met with a ton of angry voicemails from the member trying to call in. I saw it more as his fault. There is no way we could have known he suddenly would become available two minutes out. We fixed the problem by giving her a cell phone to carry throughout the meetings (her idea) but she also sent him an email apologizing for not answering his call and that he didn’t have a way to call in. I thought that wasn’t necessary on her part as his lateness is not her problem.

I’ve learned from other employees that the executive directors in the past have been known for never taking the blame for any mistake and often demanding an apology from another employee, so it is very possible that this just might be a behavior that she learned was required by her previous bosses.

I’m in her age group and the first female ED in the history of the company. I’m also the first ED under 50. I am not sure if that plays into it at all.

I also acknowledge that she could just be a nice person who is just someone who apologizes for people and this isn’t just about work but just how she is as a person.

Is there a way to approach her without her feeling like I am getting on to her? I’d love to tell her that I think she is doing a great job but she doesn’t have to take the blame when someone else in the office or on the board makes a mistake. I definitely want her to avoid taking responsibility for mistakes made by other staff members. Should I even bother saying anything at all?

Yes, say something! Not in a “you’re doing it wrong” chastising kind of way, of course, but more like: “Hey, I’ve noticed that you’ll often apologize for things that aren’t in any way your fault. I don’t know if you’ve noticed you do it, and it’s a pretty common habit, especially for women. But in case you feel like I or others expect you to apologize even when things aren’t your fault, please know that you don’t need to. You do excellent work, and I worry that you’re inadvertently undermining yourself by apologizing when you don’t need to.”

It could very well be a behavior she learned from working under a previous manager who threw a lot of blame or had high needs for soothing and appeasement. Or it could just be a habit that she’s picked up in life more generally, like a lot of other people have.

But as a boss who appreciates her work, you’re in a good position to name it for her and let her know she doesn’t need to do so much of it.

For what it’s worth, I do think there are times when a polite apology can smooth over a situation more diplomatically, even when the apologizer isn’t actually at fault. Your board member example is a good one. It doesn’t sound like your assistant did anything wrong and didn’t owe anyone an apology, but when you have an angry board member who’s frustrated that he wasn’t able to call into a meeting, sometimes an “I’m sorry about that” will smooth things over faster than an explanation that the situation was actually his fault. Of course, if that person is regularly sending people angry voicemails, that calls for a bigger-picture conversation with him to address the behavior more broadly. But if it’s a one-off, sometimes a quick apology is just a smart way to smooth ruffled feathers.

The thing, I think, is to look at big-picture patterns. An unnecessary apology here and there isn’t a big deal. But a pattern of apologizing for things that aren’t her fault — even if it’s just a verbal tic, which it is for many people — is something that can subtly change the way people interact with her. By all means, nudge her toward seeing that she doesn’t have to do that.

my employee apologizes for mistakes she didn’t make was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

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Posted by Theresa Reed

star school an intro to astrology for total beginners

In the next part of our Star School series, we will be going over the outer planets. This will give a basic understanding of how the planets operate in different signs.

In this lesson, we’ll cover Uranus.

Star School Lesson 20: Uranus in the natal chart

In this month’s post, we’re checking out Uranus. Go ahead – get your giggle on (Uranus always gets a laugh) and then let’s get to it.

Uranus is one of the slower moving planets. It stays in a sign for about seven years, which means it has a long time to work it’s mojo. But that also means that as a sign, it won’t have as big of effect on an individual chart until we consider which astrological house it lands in – and what aspects it makes to other parts of the individual’s chart. Instead, the Uranus sign, like the signs in the other slow moving planets (Neptune, Pluto), is more of a “generational” influence.

I know, I know…you want to know how this is gonna affect you personally. We’ll cover all of the planets through the houses in future lessons so hold your horses, peeps. But for now – bear with me.

On it’s own, Uranus is associated with originality and individuality. It is the planet that loves to look at the future. Things such as technology, science, and innovation fall under it’s rulership. Uranus can be rebellious or enlightened – sometimes both. This planet can also symbolize drastic changes – or the unexpected. It’s quirky, erratic, and a bit unpredictable. Kinda like life!

Where it lands in your chart shows where you are original, eccentric, or perhaps like to rebel a bit. This is where you stand as an individual. (I have Uranus in the 11th house – which means I am a lone wolf at heart but enjoy running with diverse packs at times.)

It’s the David Bowie planet – and if it had it’s own theme song, it would be Rebel Rebel:

For now, here is what Uranus is all about in the various signs:

Aries (1927 – 1934, 2010 – 2018): Uranus in fiery Aries is concerned with freedom and originality. This is the placement of pioneers and leaders. At it’s best, it can create positive, motivational individuals who can lead the public in exciting new directions. At it’s worse, this placement produces impulsiveness, hot tempers, political fanatics, violence, and people who do things without thought of the consequences. The type who want freedom at all costs for themselves without thought of the other? Me me me! That’s the negative side of this placement. Famous people with this placement: Elvis Presley, Elizabeth Taylor, Che Guevara, Martin Luther King Jr.

Taurus (1934 – 1941, 2018 – 2025): This is a generation with lots of resourceful ideas about money. Money can come and go in unexpected ways and these peeps know it. If they are operating on the high side of this placement, they may invest wisely or manage their cash flow in creative ways. They may even make money in unusual careers. They can also have new ideas about practicality or the economy. In some cases, they may go the opposite side of the usual materialistic route of Taurus and work on behalf of the poor. If moving to the negative side of this placement, they can be stubborn to the point where they are unmovable, or there may be too much attachment to possessions or family. Famous people with this placement: John Lennon, Napoleon, Pope Francis, Sophia Loren.

Gemini (1941 – 1948): Uranus in Gemini is a fab placement for it enhances the mind and produces innovative ways of thinking. These are smarty pants folks, who are inventive and quick thinking. They may produce new concepts in science, literature, media, tech, or education. If negatively aspected, it can produce restlessness or mental instability. It can also indicate someone who is erratic in their speech or who may use media in an unpredictable, unwise way. Famous people with this placement: Donald Trump, Hilary Clinton, David Bowie, Ted Bundy.

Cancer (1948 – 1955): I find this to be a mixed bag. On one hand, Uranus in Cancer produces the maverick in the family. This is the cool Uncle Butch who bucks the family traditions, leaves home early, and goes off to live in a disco commune. That. Or it may be that they live in unconventional families or funky homes. This placement can also indicate innovations around the home or family life. In some cases, the early home life might be somewhat unstable. But the other hand is a moody one, which can produce volatile dispositions. Living with these types – it ain’t easy. Famous people with this placement: Steve Jobs, Vladmir Putin, Oprah Winfrey, Sting.

Leo (1955 – 1961): Like Uranus in Aries, this placement can produce bold leaders. The benevolent kind who inspires everyone to do their best. Barack Obama has Uranus in Leo. He inspired a lot of people with his message of hope. Uranus in Leo tend to have different ideas about love and parenting. They may be overly permissive with their children or they may expect them to be like little adults before they are ready. Uranus in Leo can also be excellent for theater, which could mean inspired actors, musicians, performers, or writers. If leaning to the negative, this placement can produce a theatrical persona with a big ego. Famous people with this placement: Madonna, George Clooney, Prince, Bono.

Virgo (1961 – 1968): Uranus in Virgo can produce original ideas around work and efficiency. These busy bees can find unique ways to get work done – or they may prefer to work at home, where they can do their thing in their own way. Innovation in health, science, tech, electronic inventions, ecology, and labor relations all fall under this placement. In some cases, the individuals might have unusual pets. The negative side of this placement can be health problems or hypochondria. As a member of this placement, I have learned: never read WebMD. When I do, I’m convinced that I’m dying. Ha ha! Famous people with this placement: Johnny Depp, Albert Einstein, Nicole Kidman, Kurt Cobain.

Libra (1884 – 1890, 1968 – 1974): This placement is romantic but not the most stable for relationships. Uranus wants freedom while Libra wants partnership. So you can imagine how this works out: “let’s get married…oh wait…I want to be single…wait…I want you back.” (If it’s in your 5th house, this is especially true – Liz Taylor had that placement!). Unusual partnerships or ideas about marriage fall under this placement as well as new concepts about justice. Changes in law are possible during Uranus in Libra, when people become more concerned with rights and fairness. On the negative side, it’s maddening for relationships. Famous people with this placement: Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez, Eminem, Jay-Z.

Scorpio (1890 – 1897, 1974 – 1981): Uranus digs being in Scorpio. It’s super psychic here and brings intensity as well as a desire to remake everything. There is a tendency to want to tear things down to the bones and regenerate, which can produce powerful leaders. But this energy needs to be tempered for it can bring about a destructive side. A determination to bring change must be managed prudently to avoid fanaticism. Uranus in Scorpio can also bring unusual ideas about sex. The try anything once mantra? Yep. Famous people with this placement: Beyoncé, Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, Isaac Newton.

Sagittarius (1897 – 1904, 1981 – 1988): Both my children have this placement and I must say, they are pretty smart individuals. That’s because Uranus in Sag expands the mind and gives in interest in higher education as well as philosophy. Individuals with Uranus here create their own concepts around religion and the world. In fact, many of them like to see how the other half lives so they travel the world. Those who don’t travel find other ways to immerse themselves in other cultures. Which means this placement produces adventurous intellects who want to understand and improve the world. It’s super humanitarian in nature. I don’t have too many negative things to say about this placement except it can produce skeptics or dogmatic peeps who like weird cults. Famous people with this placement: Lady Gaga, Lana Del Rey, Prince William, Mark Zuckerberg.

Capricorn (1904 – 1912, 1988 – 1995): Uranus in Capricorn vacillates between wanting to tear down the government and business structures to doing things the “right way.” They can be revolutionaries or dictators. Why? It’s because Uranus demands freedom while Capricorn likes to preserve the status quo. This produces an energy where you see the fight against convention side by side with the need to preserve. It’s conflicted as can be. In a positive sense, it can lead to innovation in government, business, and science – or old ideas may be used in new ways. In the negative sense, it can lead to strong ambitions or controversial public figures. Famous people with this placement: Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, Howard Hughes, Miley Cyrus.

Aquarius (1912 – 1919, 1995 – 2003): Uranus rules Aquarius, so it’s right at home here. This placement bestows intellectual gifts and intuitive insight. Individuals with Uranus in Aquarius are independent thinkers and with big ole humanitarian hearts. They tend to have a wide, diverse circle of friends and will often give their shirt off their backs if they think you need it. Truth and freedom for all – that’s their motto. Uranus in Aquarius can produce genius changes in technology, science, and humanitarian efforts. On a negative side, it can also lead to stubbornness or eccentric, harebrained ideas. Famous people with this placement: John F, Kennedy, Helena Blavatsky, Nelson Mandela, Albert Camus, Kylie Jenner, Malala Yousafzai.

Pisces (1919 – 1927, 2003 – 2010): Uranus in Pisces is about as idealistic as it gets. This placement produces sympathetic natures with strong mystical leanings. A desire to help save the world and creativity times ten can create artistic genius or saints. Intuition is amplified here but so are religious leanings. These types seek spiritual liberation – and they may look to a church or through some other mystical path to find it. There is a desire to be done with materialism. New ideas about spirituality and art may arise during this time. On a negative side, this placement can also bring about cults, impractical idealism, or escapist tendencies. Famous people with this placement: Jesus Christ, Marilyn Monroe, Nostradamus, astrologer Linda Goodman.

Homework! Grab your chart and look up your Uranus. What does this say about your generation? How is it manifesting in your world? What about other people you know? Check ’em out!

Next month, we’re going to focus on dreamy Neptune.

But until then…

Keep gazing at the stars – and stay curious,

Theresa

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The post Star School Lesson 20: Uranus in the natal chart appeared first on The Tarot Lady.

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At the weekend Mrs Sketcher, the Sketcher twins and I enjoyed an afternoon listening to a choir, building lego and eating in the outdoors, all beneath the stunning backdrop of George Heriots School. The grounds of George Heriots School on Lauriston Place have been taken over by the BBC for the duration of the Festival […]
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August 23rd, 2017: One time my friend Joey Comeau of A Softer World dot com and I recorded a game we played so that we could share it for posterity and everyone could see how amazing we were, but after the game we destroyed our notes because it was A REAL EMBARRASSING GAME

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