Off down south tomorrow for a company meeting. I went to the bank today and withdrew £20 in Scottish fivers,
because I want to piss them off. The bank teller had never heard that one before—seriously? I honestly thought everyone did that—and told me I'd made his day.
All set for this goddamn nine-hour train journey tomorrow. Gots my sound-isolating earphones, emergency Irn Bru (can't buy it down there), emergency whisky (Islay Mist, won't react with the metal in the hunt flask), gots my vindictively pan-European sandwich, and my instructions for haxx0ring free train wifi. Spent some time with stormsearch perfecting my Scots accent.
Michael Mcintyre has this bit that he does about, every time someone wants to spend a Scottish banknote, some mad Scotsman pops up from nowhere and shouts
don't you know that's legal tender. It's funny because it's true, and not, I hasten to add, because Michael makes any effort to make it funny in any way. He crams this bit in to any set he can.
Heard a Scots accent on my way to the theatre tonight. Reminded me of that guy who says: . And off he goes again.
don't you know that's legal tender
stormsearch is not a qualified voice coach and her instructions have been sporadically helpful, but with her experience combined with my voice-talent nollij, we made headway. The word
£ is a particularly difficult word to say in Scots. There's an argument that it's pronounced
poouwnd and another, equally legitimate, argument that it should be pronounced
pnd, and both of these should be done simultaneously, while also pronouncing the
ou as an
ai except that it's really more of an
eh but do it with your face all scrunched up like this. I got there eventually. As is so often the case with learning experiences in my life, whisky helped.
Thus, I am now ready to have the following exchange, should it be necessary, with an unsuspecting southerner:
Good day to you, shopkeep, and what a marvellous day it is indeed. I would like to purchase this bottle of Coca-Cola® if you'd be so kind. What's that? You doubt the authenticity of my cash monies? Well, dear shopkeep, I do so regret that it must come to this, but I fear you leave me little option but to go Full Scotsman on you. Ahem. DON'T YOU KNOW THAT'S LEGAL TENDER, that's a five pooouwnd note ya wee numpty, huv ye no seen a five pnd note before ya great sassenach.
Interesting, perhaps, to note that, although I am a trained voiceover artist and a remarkably good one, it's only been since this week that I've been able to pronounce
sassenach with the appropriate amount of sass.
And I know there's no such thing as legal tender, but the unsuspecting southerner won't.