I trust verdandiweaves is happy now that my position on vegetarianism has been made clear. In the pages of a national newspaper, no less.
I really wasn't expecting them to print this one, since it consists of a cheap joke and a vaguely jingoistic anti-French sentiment, but then, that's the Scotsman for you.
Su Taylor (Letters, 15 April) attempts to assert ownership of the term "vegetarian" on behalf of the Vegetarian Society. Sadly, language doesn't work that way, and there are several types of vegetarians that fall outside the society's narrow, 150-year-old definition.
To name but a few: there are lacto-vegetarians, who allow themselves milk; lacto-ovo-vegetarians, who have milk and eggs; baco-vegetarians, who eat bacon; felino-vegetarians, who are vegetarians except for kebabs on drunken Saturday nights; and the French, who make an exception for foie gras.
Unfortunately, there still seems to be no word for "sensible people who eat meat because it's tasty", but, then, there are so few of us left.
PAUL A J HAMILTON
PS: figg, I stole your joke, then disguised it by going pretentious and Latin. Hope that's okay.
Hang on a minute, they edited me! The bastards! I said
drunken kebabs on Saturday nights and they... actually improved it immeasurably. It makes a lot more sense that way around. Oh. Okay. Thanks, Scotsman editor-type people.
I forgot to put in the bit about
Sue Taylor, who is so weak due to a lack of B-vitamins that she lacks the strength to press down the E key at the end of her first name, but that would perhaps have been a little cruel.
Stepping out of the Hotel yesterday in the cloak and the hat, I walked into an unexpectedly dramatic gust of wind. A child of five or six, who happened to be passing at the foot of the steps, dropped his jaw to the floor and declared:
His father gathered him close and bustled him away, beginning
Ah, well. Who can say?...
I managed to restrain the maniacal laughter until I was about half a block away.
It's not quite as good as
Who was that masked man?, but it's a shade better than
Who was that masked halfwit?, so I'm going to consider this a success.