The moving finger rants

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/03/coworker-makes-a-big-deal-of-my-mistakes-is-this-interview-a-scam-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=36664

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker makes a big deal of my mistakes

I have a colleague who, when she sees I’ve made a mistake, makes a big deal out of it and apparently wants me to as well. Our dialogues go something like this:

Her: Suzy, you forgot to email X about Y.
Me: Okay.
Her (in a “no, seriously” tone of voice): You forgot to email X about Y.
Me: Okay.
Her (in an “I don’t think you get it” tone): Y. You forgot to email X about it.
Me: Okay.
Her (laughs in a “whatever, psycho” sort of way): Okay, then, Suzy. Wow.

I’m not sure what reaction she wants me to give her. Hysteria? She then goes to my boss and points out that I forgot to send the email. I have overheard her telling other colleagues (who have nothing to do with the situation) that I forgot to send the email and saying that if she were X, she’d be “livid.”

Perhaps she makes a big deal out of it because she wants people to know it wasn’t her mistake, but there’s no likelihood of anyone thinking that. These are not mistakes that have any impact on her job. So far my boss has not seemed to think the mistakes in question were that big a deal. I can’t guarantee I’ll never make a mistake in the future, so how do I respond to this next time? It really hurts my feelings that she’s badmouthing me around the office.

The problem is your “Okay” response. Try this instead: “Thanks, I’m on it.” Or, “Yes, on my list for today” or “Okay, I’ll get it handled” or “Thank you, I’ll email her today.”

Just a flat “okay” doesn’t indicate that you’re going to take any action. You’re acknowledging what she said, but there’s an additional closing-the-loop step of “I will fix it” that you’re not verbalizing. You might figure it’s implied, but she’s clearly not hearing it that way, so spell it out.

She might be being obnoxious, but the flat “okay” is adding to the problem.

2. Can I contact my husband’s employer because he won’t ask them questions about our insurance?

I know you always say that you shouldn’t contact your spouse’s employer unless they’re in the hospital and you need to report that or something, which is totally fair and reasonable. However, I live in the U.S., and therefore our health insurance is through work. My husband and I are are both on his health insurance, meaning that any questions regarding coverage and stuff that’s available (that can only be answered by the company, not the insurer) needs to be asked of his HR. Is there any way I can contact his HR to ask a question about this stuff myself? He is unwilling to ask the questions for me, but it concerns my own personal healthcare needs, so am I just stuck?

In this specific case, I’m struggling with a chronic illness that requires a specialty medication and it’s hell every single month to get the pharmacy to dispense it. I heard from a friend that many employers will offer a nurse advocate to help you navigate this problem, and it’s something you need to contact HR about to see how to get that benefit.

Previously I have wanted him to let HR know that their insurance offerings are significantly lacking in some ways, because I know sometimes HR wants to know this stuff so that they can better serve their employees (and generally, his company is pretty caring about their people). I figured this is definitely off-limits for me to contact them about because it’s too generalized, but still something that requires talking to HR and not the insurance company.

Your husband should ask his HR department whether the company offers a nurse advocate. If he’s not willing to do that, there’s a bigger issue — a pretty serious one! Your husband would be standing in the way of you accessing a needed medication, and that’s a big deal. Why isn’t he willing to ask HR a basic question about his benefits that would help you? If he simply won’t, it’s not really something you can do as a non-employee … but he needs to, and it’s troubling if he won’t.

The other issue — offering feedback about their insurance — is different; that’s something that should be 100% his call. You can suggest it, but it’s up to him to decide if he wants to use his capital at work that way. It’s not essential the way your ability to access medication is.

3. Should I correct a trainer’s repeated mispronunciation of a common industry word?

I don’t know if you’ve seen the flop-turned-cult-classic movie “Showgirls” (1995)? In it a naïve character from a small town pronounces Versace (roughly: vair-SAH-chee) as verr-SAYCE. Most of the other characters just snigger at her behind her back until someone takes pity on her and explains.

All this week, I’ve been in training sessions with a presenter who thinks the word “accrual” is “accural.” This wasn’t just a momentary brain-slip. It happened multiple times and as if to confirm, he said both “accural” for “accrual” (noun form) and “accure” for “accrue” (verb form).

This person is senior to me but younger than me. It’s obviously not a big deal in terms of how the company functions but as someone neurodivergent who focuses on words, it disturbs me to be trained by someone who doesn’t know … words … which our industry uses. This person will be training new people regularly.

Would you say something? Who to?

Nah, it doesn’t rise to the level of something you need to say something about. If they were a colleague who you worked one-on-one with, you could say (in private), “Do you mean ‘accrual’?” But a trainer doing a presentation? You can and should just let that go.

That said, if you’re asked to fill out evaluations at the end of the training, you could note it there an FYI kind of way.

Everyone should see Showgirls.

4. Is this job interview a scam?

My sister-in-law wants to work but she has a newborn at home (three months, he’s very cute with little squishable cheeks) and has been browsing the remote jobs websites. She came across an entry-level crypto market trader and went to apply but instead of asking for a CV, it had her give her name, email address, and WhatsApp handle. She received an email about four hours later asking her to an interview. This seems scammy to me but I also don’t want to bum her out if it is real. Have you heard of this sort of practice for the crypto/financial industry?

I don’t have any idea how the crypto industry hires, but in general this is how hiring scams start. You could caution her about that but, most importantly, make sure she knows that a hallmark of these scams is that they’ll send her a check to deposit and then ask her to send part of that money somewhere else. (Eventually the check will bounce and she’ll be out the money she sent.)

5. How should I explain why I’m leaving my job?

I am giving notice at my job soon. I’m fairly senior and my employer has a history of not taking it well when people leave. For various reasons, it doesn’t make sense for me to say this opportunity fell into my lap.

The job I’m taking is several steps “down” into an individual contributor role. A big reason for this is that my current workload is unsustainable, not likely to change, and management has said it’s an ongoing expectation of the role (which was not said when I was hired). I was thinking of saying I am unable to devote the required time for my current role due to personal reasons outside of work and so am leaving for one with less responsibilities. It’s closest to the truth but may lead people to believe it’s something family-related, which is slightly a stretch. But is this unprofessional?

It’s not unprofessional, but it’s coming up with a cover story that you don’t really need! You don’t need to have a “good enough” reason to leave. You can just say, “I’ve decided to move to doing X” or “I’m going to be changing jobs and my last day will be March 25” or “I’ve decided to take on something new” or so forth. If you’re questioned about exactly what you’re moving to and why, at that point you could feel free to say, “Honestly, it’s the workload — we’ve talked about it before and you were up-front with me that it won’t change, so I’ve decided to move on.” Or if it’s coworkers asking (rather than your boss), you could just say, “Yeah, decided to move to something with more manageable hours.”

The post coworker makes a big deal of my mistakes, is this interview a scam, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/03/coworker-makes-a-big-deal-of-my-mistakes-is-this-interview-a-scam-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=36664