(Though you could argue that Polunin musters up more authentic agony, whereas Lambiel just looks like he's having a lot of fun.)
(Though you could argue that Polunin musters up more authentic agony, whereas Lambiel just looks like he's having a lot of fun.)
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I went on the Pop Tea podcast to talk about the ghosting ex, the guy who pooped in the potted plant, phone anxiety, and much more. It’s episode 10 here. My segment starts at 46:35 and lasts for about 40 minutes. (The hosts of this are really funny!)
I also discussed the ghosting ex on the Why Oh Why podcast, which talks about romance and relationships in the digital age (Vulture called the host “a genius of the cringe,” which is a title I covet). My segment starts at 20:00 here and lasts for about seven minutes.
A booklist which includes Tropic of Cancer and Little Women:
And some of those are Very Long Important Novels but some of them are quite short, and not even short in the sense of 'compressed and elliptical and dense'.
And some of them are challenging reads on account of subject matter but others, really, not so much I would have thought.
And, generically, quite a mishmash.
But a list that includes Clarissa and Coraline?
Okay, some of those books look like set texts that people had to struggle through and then found worth the journey, but others, presumably, are not the kind of books that feature in lit courses.
And some are even in the category I would have considered rattling airport reads...
At U.S. News & World Report today, I answer the most common questions I receive about applying for jobs online. You can read it here.
LINKS AND PROMOTION STUFF:
– ADVENTURES IN WOO WOO
Last night myself and Venessa headed out to Fitzpatrick’s Halloween Scarefest. Fitzpatrick’s is a restaurant just outside of Dundalk, here in Ireland, which puts on a big show each year for Halloween. It’s great fun and if you are ever in the area this time of year you should check it out. Here’s some photos I took:
A reader writes:
I recently graduated from college and moved out of a fairly precarious home situation into an awesome apartment in a neighboring state and a perfect first job.
The holidays are approaching and I have Monday and Tuesday of Christmas week off but not the rest of the week. I’ll go home for that long weekend, but my parents expect me to request the rest of the week off (I have a very good PTO package so I’ll have the days available). However, I want to be back in town right away due to the aforementioned rocky home situation. They’ll try to make the unilateral decision about my vacation time so I can’t really just flat-out refuse to stay home if it’s an option. I don’t want to lie to my parents (tell them my vacation request was denied if I haven’t asked/was given a go-ahead), but can I get my boss to refuse to give me that time off?
Note: I know this home situation may raise some red flags, but my question is more focused on the vacation requests with my boss, not those issues.
Well … in theory you can ask your boss to do that, but you shouldn’t.
If you do explain the situation to your boss and ask her to deny your vacation request, a lot of bosses would say something like, “Feel free to say we needed you here if you want to.”
But you’re going to make yourself look a lot more like a kid to your boss if you do this, and you don’t want that. You want your boss to think of you as an adult (which you are!).
Plus, if your goal is to not lie to your parents, this isn’t going to accomplish that. Even if your boss does what you’re asking, that’s not a real vacation denial. It’s a charade that you requested. So if you then tell your parents that you couldn’t get the time off, it’s still going to be a lie — even if your boss went through the motions of denying the time off at your request. (That’s actually part of the reason that this will make you look less mature to your boss — because it’s an odd sort of game-playing.)
But if you don’t want to spend that whole week at home and you don’t want to have to debate it with your parents, you’re allowed to just tell them that you can’t get the whole week off, without involving your boss at all. “I can’t get those days off” is a time-honored way of getting out of plans that people don’t want to make. And yes, it’s better if you can be honest and up-front with your parents, but it’s really common to have family dynamics that make that tough to do. And people who try to unilaterally control other adults’ vacation time forfeit their right to honest, forthright answers.
Hopefully at some point in the future you’ll feel comfortable asserting yourself with your family about this kind of thing — and hopefully you’ve resolved to get yourself to the point in the future — but if you’re not there right now, you’re allowed to use the “have to work” white lie.
can I ask my boss to deny my vacation request so I don’t have to go home for Christmas? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
I've redone all the images from Flickr instead of Google photos. I'd forgotten that you can't even cut and past images from Google photos, let along link to them. (They look fine when I'm putting the entry together, but I don't think anyone else can see them)
I’ve had a lot of loss over the years. Most recently, two longtime friends passed away. One from a long, complicated illness and the other from an overdose. I’m still haunted from the latter to this day even though it’s been three years.
Because you see, grief doesn’t happen in a neat little package with stages. Sometimes you never really “get over it.” You can’t. And guess what: that’s okay.
This is the topic of a powerful new book by Megan Devine called It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture that Doesn’t Understand. This book offers a profound and honest look at the grieving process – and has tips, practices, and stories to help aid in healing after loss. (My favorite chapter is Rallying Your Support Team, which has the most excellent advice for helping a loved one deal with grief.)
Megan sat down with me recently to talk about grieving – and the Five of Cups, tarot’s saddest card in the deck.
Q: What is the biggest misconception about grieving?
Megan: The biggest misconception about grieving is that it’s this unfortunate, temporary thing that you’re supposed to move through quickly and put it all behind you. That single misconception leaves grieving people feeling dismissed or unsupported, and leaves support people feeling frustrated and helpless in the face of grief that “lasts too long.”
Q: Our culture seems to have a fear around discussing grief. How can we get past that?
Megan: We definitely have a fear of discussing grief. There’s great stuff coming out of the Death Positive movement to help us open end of life conversations, but I think we’re actually far more afraid of grief than we are of death. We’re afraid of having to live without the people we love. Afraid of having to say goodbye before we’re ready. Afraid we’ll start crying and never be able to stop. And if we see someone else grieving, we want them to get through it as soon as possible, because we want to believe we’d bounce back quickly if something awful or sad happened to us. So how do we get past that fear? By being brave. By starting to talk about it. By being willing to tell the truth about our own experiences with grief, and being willing to hear other peoples’ truth. Really, it’s the same way we get better at any difficult discussion: bravery, and practice.
Q:When someone is grieving, loved ones often become paralyzed, fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. What is your advice for a loved one who wants to help but feels awkward?
Megan: Feeling awkward is okay! In fact, feeling awkward about it is a great sign – it means you’re moving into new territory. Grieving people would much rather have you stumble through your love and support than confidently assert that things are not as bad as they seem. The one thing to remember is to not try to fix what is unfixable. Your job as a support person is not to take away the person’s pain – that’s not possible. Your job is to companion them inside their pain. That distinction makes all the difference.
Q:. What is the best, healthiest way to move through the grieving process?
Megan: What’s best and healthiest for one person isn’t what’s best and healthiest for another – and that’s the best way to think about the grieving process. I’ll always direct people back to their own sovereignty, their own capacity to decide what feels right and true to them, what feels like honoring their own pain, and their own process. That said, over-indulging in drugs, alcohol, or activities that put your body and mind at risk aren’t a good choice. Harming other people – also not a good choice. Outside of those things, listening for your own needs as grief shifts and changes (sometimes day to day, sometimes hour to hour) is a great, healthy practice.
Q: Is it possible that there are some losses that you might never get over? If that is the case, is that necessarily a bad or unhealthy thing?
Megan: Some losses you never get over – absolutely. Grief doesn’t have an endpoint. I often say that your grief will last as long as your love does. And that’s not a bad thing. We tend to think of grief as this finite, temporary thing, as though still feeling sad, still missing the person who’s died 3 years later, 10 years later, 29 years later is a weird aberration. We all carry grief. It’s in not tending it, not acknowledging this as a healthy, normal thing that most of us do anyway, that’s unhealthy. Sometimes doctors and other providers ask, “what about someone who has been coming into my office for 15 years, complaining of grief?” Well, I say that’s a person who hasn’t yet felt heard. Grief is just a reality. It’s not good or bad. It’s not healthy or unhealthy. It’s a reality of being alive in a world where those we love die.
Q: The Five of Cups is the traditional tarot card for grieving. What advice would you give the figure in this card?
Megan: I probably have a different response to the Five of Cups than is typical. In a typical reading of this card, the figure is seen as focusing on the spilled cups, not seeing the 2 that remain; in a way, it’s a card of failure – a refusal to focus on the “good that remains,” a failure to appreciate what’s left. I don’t see it that way anymore. That some good still remains does not negate the loss. Spilled cups and full cups can – and do – co-exist. They don’t cancel each other out. Maybe it’s not time to turn away. Maybe it’s not time to take that journey back to castle, back to the wider community. It’s okay. If that’s you, in that card, in your reading, maybe I’d ask how it feels to be there. Maybe I’d ask – what do you want and need for yourself, as you stand here, gazing at what is lost? Again, I circle back to sovereignty, and the strength of your own experience. It’s not wrong to gaze at what is lost. Asking yourself what is most true, most needed, most kind, given what has been lost – that’s the story I’d tell with that card.
Megan Devine is on a mission to help people love each other better.
A Pacific Northwest writer, speaker, and grief advocate, she is the founder of Refuge In Grief, a hub of grief education and outreach, where she leads people through some of the most devastating times of their lives. Together with her team, she facilitates a growing catalog of courses, events, and trainings to help grieving people, and those who wish to support them, learn the skills they need to carry pain that cannot be fixed.
Megan is the author of the new book, It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief & Loss in a Culture that Doesn’t Understand. She has been featured widely in the media, including Huffington Post, Modern Loss, and The Manifest-Station, and in dozens of podcasts and radio appearances
Big thank you to Megan for taking time to visit with me. Her work is so, so important. If you’re grieving or know someone who is, you need to follow her work. Please grab a copy of her book, It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay. You can learn more about Megan and her programs over at Refuge in Grief.
© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2017
image from Megan Devine
The post Talking about grief and the Five of Cups with Megan Devine appeared first on The Tarot Lady.
- Sun, 13:57: My country is cool https://t.co/wD2CcvhQpU
- Sun, 14:00: "That's no moon" https://t.co/bogQOPADTx
- Sun, 14:23: Went to town, enjoyed cheerful creative company, walked back, picked up veg from local grocer. Now at desk reinvigorated. The Expanse later.
- Sun, 18:26: RT @0labimpeh: It's momma birthday, I told her the whole world will celebrate with her, plss help me retweet her picture so she'll know I w…
- Sun, 18:27: "Sorry mate. Client just converted to Christianity." https://t.co/jcZKicwMgI
- Sun, 18:33: And of course, "Oh, sorry, we're over budget to pay sculptors this month. How about you complete it for the exposur… https://t.co/6FMU8fKPhx