The moving finger rants

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/06/updates-the-emotional-affair-my-boss-wont-let-me-tell-coworkers-im-pregnant-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=38712

Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. Someone I had a near-emotional-affair with years ago is about to be my sort-of boss (#2 at the link)

My update almost eight months later is not the most exciting, but a good outcome. Craig has been friendly in the occasional meeting we are in together but we have not spoken one-on-one at all.

Our company is in the midst of a re-org due to budget cuts and we know that one of the VP positions is getting eliminated. Everyone is suspecting that Craig is returning to his original senior technical role but nobody knows yet exactly what’s happening. Personally I’d be very happy if that happens. Now that time has passed, I am less inwardly awkward about the whole thing, but I would rather not have any added weirdness with a boss-adjacent person.

I read some of the comments on the original post and many echoed the idea that I was young, learning professional norms, and to give myself a little grace, which I really appreciated.

2. My boss won’t let me tell coworkers that I’m pregnant

Thank you and the commenters for your warmth, empathy, and humor.

Shortly after I sent this question in, my boss shared that he had hired someone new for the team, and with that I finally got to share my news with my coworkers. The timing was probably a little tight, but a couple of my coworkers knew the new hire from previous work so I think they hit the ground running.

Lucky for the company and for me, my baby was also not born early; in fact she arrived the day before she was due (insert project management joke here). I’m completely focused on her now, and will see what the future holds for my work in a few months.

3. When should I tell my manager that I’m leaving the country? (#4 at the link)

My situation resolved in a relatively drama-free way. As I was anxiously deciding what to do, and when to tell my manager, I ended up getting told I was being laid off with a fairly generous severance package. I let my manager know of my plan to move overseas in the meeting with HR.

Although I was sad to end my time with that company, and was sad for my coworkers (my whole team got cut), the timing worked out basically perfectly for our move and the severance helped with relocation costs. I was feeling very nervous about the impending move, so I decided to take the layoff/severance as my sign from the universe that it was the right thing to do! So far so good.

4. Is this job opening a scam? (#5 at the link)

Long story short: after that initial call, I never heard back from them again.

But after that initial contact, I remained suspicious, and started to do some of my own research. Their site had a page showing their professional certifications, and I reached out to several of them. They were legitimately members of the provincial safety board. One organization I never heard back from. But the organization that is both the major provincial landscaping association and the administrator for interlocking paver certification wrote me back almost immediately, to the tune of, “No, they’re not currently members in good standing, and we’ll reach out to them to see if they’d like to renew their membership.” They still display that logo on their website to this day. They still do not show up in the landscaping association’s member directory.

Another listed certification turned out to be a proprietary business software method rather than an industry credential.

And although this isn’t necessarily damning, I found out that the business owner is a teenager (which may explain the borderline-hostile tone of a lot of the Google Review responses.)

Everything taken together definitely discouraged me from trying to contact them again. A business that misrepresents its credentials to prospective clients is a business that has shown they will deceive people in other ways and I have no interest in working for them or tying my own reputation to them.

The post updates: the emotional affair, my boss won’t let me tell coworkers I’m pregnant, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/06/updates-the-emotional-affair-my-boss-wont-let-me-tell-coworkers-im-pregnant-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=38712

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/06/im-being-targeted-for-increasing-our-health-insurance-rates-candidates-who-wont-answer-direct-questions-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=38334

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I’m being targeted for increasing our health insurance rates

My boss approached me about how our insurance rates are going up because of my medication. We don’t have HR. I was told how much my biologic shots cost each month and how that’s affecting our rates. It was also brought up in front of another employee.

Now I am feeling like I’m being targeted at work. I’m being left out of meetings, and any time I bring up new ideas or concerns, I am either dismissed or made out to be the issue. This feels strangely targeted and surprising. I’ve had amazing success and interest in the programs that I am over. I am starting to feel like there is pressure on me to find another job even though my work is above and beyond.

Yes, it sounds very much like you’re being treated this way because of your health care costs, and they want you to leave. That’s illegal under multiple federal laws, including the Americans with Disabilities Act, the Employee Retirement Income Security Act, and even HIPAA, all of which make it illegal to retaliate against an employee because of their health care costs.

But legal or not, if your employer wants you to leave, there are a lot of ways they can make your life there very difficult — so you really, really need an employment lawyer to help you navigate this, even if they’re just advising you behind the scenes.

2. I was asked to talk to another volunteer about her attitude

I have been volunteering with an animal welfare organization for about 14 years. Besides animal care, one of my main duties is being at the front desk during our open hours and assisting visitors and adopters when they come in.

We have a newer volunteer, “Margo,” who has been volunteering for the past year or so. Due to physical limitations, she cannot do animal care, so when she is on shift she is also at the front desk.

It can be hard to find volunteers, so Margo was a welcome addition when she first started. There are only a handful of us comfortable staffing the front desk, and she filled in a lot of open shifts. But as time goes on, Margo has rubbed a lot of fellow volunteers the wrong way. There have been complaints about her bossy attitude. She has started stopping in on her days off just to “check in.” One of our other front desk volunteers told me that Margo stopped in and just started doing the front desk duties without even asking her. Margo does not listen to direction from our adoption center manager (who is a bit newer than Margo, so Margo probably thinks she doesn’t know what she’s talking about).

Our adoption center manager (who is paid staff and is supposed to be in charge of the volunteers) asked me to talk to Margo, as a tenured volunteer. How do you tell a volunteer that they are being too bossy and rubbing people the wrong way?

The adoption center manager was wrong to ask you to do that. You’re a peer to Margo, so she isn’t required to listen to you and may figure you’re the one being bossy. Instead, the adoption center manager is the one who needs to do it, since she’s in charge of the volunteers and has the authority and standing to speak to Margo about what needs to change.

As for how she should approach it: straightforwardly! People often feel more awkward about giving feedback to volunteers since they’re not getting paid for their work, but you can’t run an organization effectively without being willing to do it (and if you’re reluctant to, you end up driving off other volunteers who don’t want to work around unaddressed problems). It’s important to ensure volunteers feel appreciated — but not at the expense of never asking them to do anything differently. But again, you’re not the person well positioned to do it, and it’s reasonable for you to go back to the adoption center manager and say, “I thought about this and don’t think I have the standing with Margo to give this feedback. I think it will need to come from you since you manage her and have authority I don’t have.”

3. My boss is trying to crowd out Pride Month

Most of the U.S. knows June is Pride Month, even if they don’t celebrate it. Since last year, my boss has begun painting our front windows in June with “Veteran’s Month” celebration art. I am a veteran and have been/am being asked to provide a picture of me in uniform with a blurb about my service to be played on the screen when you walk in. I managed to blow them off last year as I’m very private at work.

For those who might not know, November is widely celebrated as Veteran’s Month and companies will often give all sorts of discounts then. Everyone generally celebrates November 11th, but that extends to the whole month now through an official designation. By celebrating it in June, I know what my boss is trying to do. I didn’t think it would continue this year, but here we are and now I want to know what paths I might have forward.

Can I even report this to HR? We are in California, but our corporate office is in Texas. I’m worried they won’t care. I am not queer myself, but that shouldn’t matter.

I don’t know that it quite rises to the level of HR unless it’s accompanied by your boss doing other things that seem anti-LGBTQ, but would you be comfortable saying this to him: “As a veteran, I’d be confused if I saw this because Veteran’s Month is always in November. June is Pride Month, so if we want to do something it should be Pride-related or we’ll look like we’re trying to crowd that out, which I know we wouldn’t want.”

And if he ignores that and keeps trying to use a photo of you, be clear that you’re not participating: “June is Pride Month, not Veterans Month, so I’m not comfortable participating.”

4. Candidates who won’t answer interview questions directly

I’ve hit a frustrating wall in my hiring process. I like to run a structured, transparent interview. Every candidate receives the same baseline of information, the same formatted calendar invites with details, and the same five core questions to ensure a fair evaluation.

I set clear expectations from the start: I introduce myself, provide a brief overview of the role, explain that we have five questions to cover, and assure them there is dedicated time for their own questions at the end. I check in and ask if that sounds good. They are always affirmative. These aren’t “gotcha” questions; they are direct, relevant queries about the experience and professional philosophy required for the role.

Despite this clarity, I keep encountering candidates who simply won’t answer the questions. I frequently find myself having to interrupt long-winded, unrelated stories just to restate the original prompt and ask for a direct response.

I work in a people-centered industry, so I appreciate openness and personality, but I refuse to hire on “vibes” alone. My goal is to ensure skills and philosophy are the primary requirements, with personal rapport being a secondary consideration.

How do I handle candidates who dodge straightforward questions without sounding like an interrogator? Is there a way to guide these “storytellers” more effectively, or is an inability to follow a simple interview structure a red flag I should be taking more seriously? Should I rethink my format and my goal of keeping the interview fair and equal? Is there another way to do it?

What portion of candidates are you finding this with? If it’s a majority of them, then I’d think the issue is with your questions — that they need to be more narrowly defined, or that you need to be clearer about exactly what information you’re seeking. Probably that means reworking the initial questions to be clearer, but it’s also fine to interject with, “Let me jump in here — what I’d really like to hear about specifically is X.”

But if most people are answering the questions directly, then it sounds like your questions are working: they are operating as a red flag for candidates who dodge straightforward questions about their experience. Maybe they’re bad communicators or maybe they lack the experience you’re looking for; either way, not giving a straight answer to a straightforward question is a red flag, and it’s fair for you to consider that relevant data as you evaluate them.

I think that because you’re very focused on a transparent and fair process, you’re getting tripped up by “I need their clear answer about X in order to fairly compare their experience with X to other candidates.” But what you’re getting is additional relevant information. Maybe “answers direct questions clearly” isn’t in the matrix you’re currently using to assess people, but for most jobs it should be.

5. Suggesting I consult after I’m rejected for a job

I just had an interview for a job for which I have deep experience in part of what they’re looking for (a technical skill involving specialized equipment), and very little in other parts. I got the sense that the hiring manager was very interested in the things I do know, to the point that I think part of the interview was him picking my brain about how to do something, rather than just assessing my skills.

If I am rejected for not having the other skills, would it be reasonable for me to suggest that I could consult with them for a limited period, possibly to train someone and get their project up and running? I’ve trained colleagues before and it’s something I wouldn’t mind doing (though I would prefer a full-time job!) and my skills are rare enough that they’re not likely to find someone with everything else they want, plus this. Or would it just be weird and out of touch because they would have just rejected me, so obviously they don’t want me working there?

You can make that offer! It’s not weird or out-of-touch to say, “I know you’re moving forward with other candidates for the X role, but if you end up needing someone to consult on Y, I’d love to talk with you about a short-term consulting arrangement to help get the work up and running. If that turns out to be something you might need, please contact me anytime.”

The post I’m being targeted for increasing our health insurance rates, candidates who won’t answer direct questions, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/06/im-being-targeted-for-increasing-our-health-insurance-rates-candidates-who-wont-answer-direct-questions-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=38334