gominokouhai: (Inspector Fuckup)

[This was going to be a comment in reply to someone else's blog, but it wandered a little....]

I found an ink cartridge yesterday. I don't use ink cartridges, because it's not the 1930s. It was in an unused pocket of the belt pouch I use when travelling. At some point, years ago, we must have swapped pouches.

An ink cartridge. Very nearly gave me a relapse.

I thought about it for fifteen seconds, did a little mindful breathing, and tossed it.

I was fortunate, maybe, that shortly after my breakup and meltdown I was compelled to move cities on short notice. It forced me to rationalize: to determine the minimum necessary amount of Stuff with which I can live in reasonable comfort. It forced me to discard Stuff that I might otherwise have insisted on retaining as a keepsake. I had to pack all my Stuff into a single 1950s Admiralty-pattern kitbag and, as a result, it forced me to learn self-reliance at a point in my life when that's exactly what I needed.

Give me a sandwich toaster, a device with mobile internet, a change of underwear, and Kilkerran sherry wood, and I shall move the Earth.

I'm also fortunate that I could leave the rest of the crap in the flat and trust my staff to throw it out for me. The company billed me for it afterwards and they way they went about it was kind of dickish, but it helped a lot to have someone else deal with that for me. I could focus on the moving on.

And then there are things like this ink cartridge. The ink cartridge is a metaphor. We must have swapped pouches years ago: we bought two identical ones in the outdoor supplies shop in Aviemore, 2012 or so. I've been carrying her ink cartridge around for ages without realizing it. Yesterday I was able to dispose of it. A little bit more moving on was achieved.

Things like this are going to keep happening, piece by piece, with no end in sight, but each one is a step in the right direction, although it often doesn't feel like it at the time.

At some point, when I'm back in Edinburgh, I'm going to have to deal with the storage container, 80% of which is still filled with her Stuff (and which I'm still paying for). Does anyone have a need for several boxes of ladies' size 12 underwear?

(Isn't there a womens' shelter in Edinburgh? Is this the sort of thing they might want?)

I added pajh's Rule for Life #40 to the list last week, while I was down in That London, drinking in the pub with some friends. It is this: Never let someone else define who you are.

An obvious corollary is not to let yourself be defined by their Stuff, either. In fact, never let Stuff define you.

On aging

Sun, Feb. 28th, 2016 18:33
gominokouhai: (Default)

Today is my birthday. I am now older than my father was when I was born.

I'm still not interested in breeding—it's cruel enough to bring a new human into this dystopian nightmare world, worse yet to saddle one with my defective genetic legacy. Welcome to the world. The climate's fucked, the government is entirely composed of plutocratic psychopaths, and somehow we're all still racists. Oh, by the way, you have short hamstrings, chronic migraines, and a selection of interesting brain weasels. And stay away from red wine if you know what's good for you. Not going to inflict that on someone.

I do, however, regret the missed opportunity to have a convenient target for dad jokes. I would make the best dad jokes. Or perhaps I mean the worst.

Bloody hell, it's just occurred to me—if I had spawned, I would be a single parent now.

Quite happy staying as uncle pajh. Although I'm considering getting a dog. Or maybe a snake.

On progress

Wed, Feb. 24th, 2016 21:27
gominokouhai: (Default)

Today was the first day I didn't miss her.

Still got no idea what I'm going to tell her parents, though.

gominokouhai: (Default)

I don't think I need to go into too much detail. This year has sucked giant cheesy gorilla dongs. I'd hope for better things from 2016, but frankly, that's setting a fairly low bar.

I gots plans for the new year )

Half way out of the dark.

Dulce domum

Sun, Nov. 8th, 2015 22:05
gominokouhai: (Default)

I'm in my new flat. It's quiet, and, when I turn the lights off, it's dark.

I'm not at work.

I feel relaxed for the first time in an age.

Moovin

Thu, Nov. 5th, 2015 16:00
gominokouhai: (Default)

Managed to pack almost all of my clothes into a 1950s Admiralty-pattern kitbag, plus the absolute essentials:

  • Mug.
  • Cutlery.
  • Sandwich toaster.
  • Two Glencairn glasses.
  • Two old-fashioned glasses.
  • Bottle Kilkerran sherry wood.
  • Bottle Wild Turkey rye.

Found the Chinese supermarket. Five minutes walk from the flat, on the way to work, and they sell Jian's Chop Chop guo tie from the restaurant that's five minutes walk from my Edinburgh place.

I'm going to be just fine, I think.

Back up to Edinburgh tonight, two days at work, and then pack another kitbag to come back down again on Sunday. I might even bring a pan or something this time.

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gominokouhai

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